en route to

I just confused Kristen Schaal for Miranda July because my brain is melting and I don’t think I’ve ever been this dumb in a long timeeee.

(Actually, I’ve just been watching The L Word & Dexter so every other famous face doesn’t exist in my brain for the time being.)

 Hello. My name is ____. Im very interested in this position. Im determined, outgoing, friendly, professional, very punctual  I love to arrive early. I have excellent customer service skills. I have over 2 years of being a receptionist and over a year of customer service  Im willing to start work immediately, and is open to more training. The reason why I want to start immediately is because I need a job and I need to make income, you see my mother passed away about 2 months ago and the only person living with me is my twin brother and im the house  holder, I have no family helping me. I try and find jobs but people always want experience. Why don’t they try and give someone a chance who is willing to go above and beyond to get the job done

Name removed for obvious reasons - but, what was this person thinking? Why are you griping to a potential employer about not being able to find a job? Apply for jobs you’re qualified for, ones that you actually have experience in! And then you won’t be turned away for not having experience. Our ad clearly states that you must know Quickbooks and DO NOT REPLY if you do not know Quickbooks. WHY WOULD WE MAKE AN EXCEPTION IF IT’S CLEARLY STATED IN THE AD THAT WE WILL NOT CONSIDER YOU IF YOU DO NOT HAVE QUICKBOOKS EXPERIENCE.

That would be like hiring someone that has never driven a car to be a delivery driver. DOES NOT COMPUTE.

And really, the only reason anyone wants a job is for an income, regardless of circumstances. We’re sorry for your loss, but that does not obligate us to call you back.

As far as getting the job done.. you don’t even punctuate.

I just. Can’t. WHAT

I haven’t been able to focus all day. I’m struggling to complete one task without jumping to another. I’ve done one million things today, but not one of them is entirely finished.

I’m getting antsy. There is not much time left before I pack up the rest of my life here and move it down to San Diego. Time has been a hard thing to wrap my head around lately.

I already have a job that I’m over the moon for. I don’t remember the last time I was this enthused about work, but here I am. I can’t wait. There’s not a day that goes by that it doesn’t pop into my head. I’m excited for a new challenge. I’m excited to see how I will grow and learn from this opportunity.

I’ve also secured a room in a cute craftsman in a quiet neighborhood just blocks from Balboa Park. A private entrance, my own bathroom, and a couple little dogs that I can love on to help with the Penny withdraws.

Oh, Penny.. it’s really kind of a sore topic from me. I’m so sad to be leaving her and Pecos, but this was bound to happen eventually. It’s shocking a lot of people to find out that we’re “separating.” But Pecos didn’t move up here for me and I can’t stay for him. So it goes.

The best thing is that I will be closer to my family. My loving, supportive, Mexi-Ginger family. It’s been so difficult these past few weeks being so far from them. Daily updates definitely help, but it’s just not the same. They’re my heart. My rock. It didn’t take recent events to realize that, but recent events have shown how deep those roots are and they ache every day that I’m 2 hours away. That may not be anything compared to some people, but it’s everything to me. They’re everything to me.

Home, home. I cannot wait to be home.

(details to follow)

I’ve been quiet lately. I know.

I’ve been reading before bed. Getting lost in stories about corrupt towns, unlikely geniuses, and a nasty little voice in your ear that’s got nothing to say but the worst of your thoughts. I’ve been finding connections; lines to be drawn from those stories to my own. Subtle details that are probably overlooked by those who just read to pass the time; I’ve never been the type. I search for sorrow, I search for hope. I search for myself.

Sometimes, it’s easier to have an honest conversation with a book.

I’ve been fed lines, ideas, thoughts that I am somehow in debt. That I have reasons to be apologetic for being myself. I let myself believe them and I let myself be replaced. I was not nor have I been the victim. I put up a fight for a little while, but then let myself sink into an abyss because drifting is easier than fighting the current.

I’ve been quiet because I let myself be.

I’ve allowed myself to become part of the supporting cast. In some cases, I’m an extra that bumps into the main character on the street, either apologizing or screaming profanities. But I lost my starring role when I convinced myself that I wasn’t worthy of the part.

I’ve been quiet because I’ve been rehearsing.

There’s a new beginning in my future and only one major obstacle to overcome that separates this life from that one. It has been a struggle to remind myself that this is what is best for me because I can only focus on the possible aftermath, the what-ifs. I feel like I have to pass through a field of landmines. I know I won’t lose limbs, I know that I’ll probably walk away with a headache. But I also know that the relief I’ll feel on the other side is worth the journey and if this is the only thing holding me up… well, it’s time that I finally get it over with.

I’ve been quiet, but that will end soon.